I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
