I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
