Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
