it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
