I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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