the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
