Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
