She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
