My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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