i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
