does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Randomize
