She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
