Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Randomize
