The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
