My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
