I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
