The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
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