Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
