In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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