i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
