I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
