Can i not drive my cunt home
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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