It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I'm getting married
To pizza
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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