Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
You're earring is so big in my mouth
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
