Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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