Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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