One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
