When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
