I love having hate sex.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
