Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I just had sex on a roof
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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