Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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