i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize