He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
