if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
