I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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