I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
should my penis look like a turkey
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Randomize
