If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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