I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
