I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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