it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
