1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
