i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
