You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
