If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
