My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
