Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Randomize
