My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
