i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
