Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
as a side note pls kill me
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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