Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
