So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
God I need to hump something, right now.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
