the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
