After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
