had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
