It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
