Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
