Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize