You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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