he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
