sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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