so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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