I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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