Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
