if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
