You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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