rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Randomize
