so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
