if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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