There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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