i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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