She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
