It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
