I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
