At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
