she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
