Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
